Illustration by Alix Ayoub

Advice: Chill the F*ck Out

By Marti Babcock & Lindsay Hetzer |

After their engagement, many of our clients come to us frantically overwhelmed; realizing all of the tasks that must be accomplished while planning their wedding, while also having a full-time job and a full-time life. The reality of crazy family dynamics—the bride’s mother can’t be in the same room as her father and the groom’s sisters simply get along—logistics, a million tiny details, a budget and the pressure to keep everyone happy sinks in, very quickly. This mad mix would make just about anyone go insane. That’s where we, your wedding planners, come in: to keep perspective in check and make your day the most chill it can be.

1. Prioritize

The wedding industry is a massive, beautiful she-bitch, and it’s important to remember you are not obligated to include anything in your wedding. Find what’s important to your relationship and stick to what feels comfortable. Start by creating a list of priorities with your other half and make sure they fit into your budget and vision. You don’t want to start your first year of marriage $15,000 in the hole because you were dead set on having oversized glitter bows on every chair at the reception.

2. Things are things

Designing the wedding is a blast and it will feel like finding the perfect centerpiece is the most important thing in life. But these are just things—very lovely things—that will eventually live in a dark corner of your basement until the end of time. Pulling yourself away from the lovely things can be difficult and we totally get it! Bring the focus back your relationship and why you said ‘yes’ in the first place. It wasn’t so that you could spend a small fortune on floating candles.

3. Take care of yourself

Take out your calendar and schedule one hour a week for you-time. Yoga, meditation, biking, rock climbing—pick your bliss and make sure it’s part of your routine. This will keep you focused and present throughout the wedding planning process. You could also do nothing. Yup. You read that correctly. Make sure you’re spending a few nights a week doing absolutely nothing related to your wedding. Go off the grid if you need to.

4. Make the planning fun

Every time you and your partner work on wedding stuff, go out for a nice meal, share a great bottle of wine or make a game out of it. Maybe you two take a shot every time you decide on a vendor or make a big decision. That’s supposed to be a joke, but if you want to do that, no judging here. The point is, this should not be dreadful, this should be fun damnit!

5. Gratitude and love

Remember that this whole planning process isn’t about one day—it’s about the marriage between two people. You are taking a new step in your relationship, surrounded by the ones you love and mean the most to you. The focus should be on the relationship and what is best for both of you. To keep this at the forefront of your mind during planning, start a gratitude journal or write out a few reasons why you are excited to marry your fiancé. Post it in a place you see everyday to remember that this is all about love and worth it. We promise.

6. Be yourself

These are just our suggestions, of course. On your Big Day, you should do whatever the hell you want. Just remember to chill the f*ck out.

Lindsay Hetzer and Marti Babcock are hardworking event producers, designers
and stylists and own their own event studio, All Together Now.