Photo by Old Machine

Booze or Burpees?

What whets your appetite for competition more, the Summer Olympics or your backyard beer Olympics? If you answered the latter, then there’s probably a new local race for you – The Ultimate Beer Run, a costumed, boozy jaunt around downtown that takes place September 6. The 2.4-mile course features stations approximately every three quarters of a mile for craft beer tastings and Easy Chugger challenges, and the finish line greets runners with a 16-ounce brew and the Ultimate After-Party, a handsome reward for a half hour’s work.

But there are plenty of other fun runs, jogs, and walks around town, so how do you know if this is really your thing? We’ve put together a brief test to determine if you should bust out your drinking/running shoes and join the party.

1. When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is…

A. 200 pushups

B. Promise myself to run three miles, walk one instead

C. Hit snooze

D. Vomit

E. Morning?

2. The farthest I’ve ever run is…

A. An ultra-marathon through the Mojave

B. About 15 miles; I’m training for the Columbus Marathon now.

C. I run a fun 5k once a year. Sorta.

D. A couple blocks, from the cops

E. Get real.

3. Is the glass half empty or half full?

4. Pick one:

A. “I do burpees as part of my regular fitness routine.”

B. “Beer makes me burpee. Ha, I like that word…burpee.”

5. When I see the photo for this article, I think…

A. That doesn’t look safe.

B. I want to be friends with that guy.

C. That reminds me of last weekend.

D. Party!

E. ‘Murica.

6. My ideal night out involves…

A. Checking out a new organic eatery, casually jogging six miles, in bed by 10

B. The Expendables 3, a large bag of popcorn, extra butter, video games, in bed at 3

C. Dinner and a bottle of wine with my significant other, a drink on the patio, bed at midnight

D. Beer pong, flip cup, bars, more beer pong, dancing on a table, a fuzzy sense of regret, bed?

E. Woooo! Woooo! Here comes the liquor train! Still haven’t been to bed!

7. Circle one: When I think of running after drinking a craft beer, I immediately get nauseous / giddy.

8. Costumes are for…

A. Kids

B. Halloween

C. The best parties

D. Weekends.
All of them.

E. I dress like my life is a cartoon adventure.

9. When you say, “I can’t wait until after work so I can get ripped,” you are most likely talking about ________. 

A. Two hours of intense lifting and cardio at the gym, followed by a supplement shake

B. Two hours on the patio at Bodega, followed by a trip to Mikey’s

10. Beer gut?

A. How dare you?!

B. I just joined a gym. I’m working on it.

C. I just started a home brewery. I’m working on it.

Key  1. A: -10 B: 5 C: 5 D: 10 E: 15 2. A: -50 B: 0 C: 10 D: 15 E: 5 3. 5 points either way. Drink the rest and move on. 4. A: 5 B: 20 5. A: -5 B: 5 C: 10 D: 20 E: 20 6. A: -50 B: 0 C: 0 D: 15 E: -25 7. Nauseous -10 Giddy 10 8. A: 0 B: 2.5 C: 10 D: 5 E: -20 9. A: -10 B: 20 10. A: 0 B: -10 C: 50

If you scored…


Why did you even read this far? Didn’t you see the headline and photo?

Between 0 and 62.5

You should at least consider it. You’re a bubble candidate. Maybe drink a pint, take an aggressive power walk, and try to think of a costume. Let the beer guide you.

> 62.5

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