Prepping for Polar Hell

If climate change doesn’t kill off those pesky polar bears, it looks like you might have to do it.

Sorry…that’s insensitive.

I’m not sorry. Forget about you. It’s snowing and icy and really cold, and we just don’t give a damn anymore. Why don’t you learn how to drive?!

Wait…wait. Let me start over. Winter has everybody on edge, even your favorite local magazine. We’re all losing it. Up is down, and the End Times are nigh –

Jesu Dolce. What dangerous gibberish is this? It’s just winter, for the love of God…so why am I so high-strung?

It’s been a rough one…so rough, in fact, that we were prompted to change stride on our cover story mid-month and address the ugly fact that the water tastes like farts this winter has been unusually, devastatingly, bone-chillingly cold. It’s not exactly breaking news in February, but we felt compelled to address it anyway.*

And we don’t want to leave you out in it. Collected here, much from the Internet personal experience, the rest from local sources (such as the included AEP lineman, Todd Baughman, a cold weather veteran, or practical prepper John Stacy, a local who took too-radical “doomsday prepping” into his own hands and threw what may have been the least-crazy prepper festival in history), is all you need to know to prepare yourself for what looks to be one hell of a February.

Prepping 2014
This is just one in a series of year-long pieces from (614), designed to keep you better prepared for all that Columbus dishes out. Keep an eye out each month for more practical prepping advice from a slew of local sources, ranging from canning veggies to home security.