According to local lore, the Little Pennsylvania Cemetery is frequented by a vicious Skunk Ape, a Sasquatch-like creature reminiscent of your drunken uncle but with glowing red eyes and huge fangs. The picturesque cemetery, in the past a hotspot for horror movie-style make-out sessions, has seen fewer and fewer visitors, as the beast is fond of disemboweling the amorous adventurers after discovering they are afraid of him. By some accounts, he is a relatively sweet-natured Skunk Ape, but can’t stand rejection – especially the terrified rejection of screaming teenyboppers.

Actually, all that’s made up. The real legend is that Willy Butcher, a sadistic local madman, lived up to his surnamesake and carved up his entire family like so much sushi back in the late 1800s, afterwards turning the knife on himself. The entire family was buried in the Little Pennsylvania Cemetery, where they nightly come a’creeping … crap, that is also almost completely fabricated … I suppose there’s poor little Willie Boucher, a one-year-old buried in the cemetery; maybe that’s real? Or … maybe it’s aliens. Yeah, that’s it: The Little Pennsylvania Cemetery is a landing strip for extraterrestrial Bigfeet who bring their creepy butcher-ghosts to Earth once a year to terrorize necking teens …

Whichever version of the certainly-exaggerated spook story you choose to buy, there are enough weird tales surrounding the Little Pennsylvania (or “Woolyburger”) Cemetery to give the Skinwalker Ranch a run for its money.

If you are brave enough to visit this Grove City-area cemetery, don’t be an idiot: the graves are very old and the area is rich with history. Only an a**hole would litter or vandalize this pristine graveyard. If you so much as throw down a Solo cup, I hope the Woolyburger bites your butt off.

Coordinates: 39° 51’ 2.36” N, 83° 12’ 5.24” W

(That’ll keep the jerks out. Be sure to check out the Adventurist column in this issue: writer Kate Liebers had her own encounter with the Woolyburger!)