Over morning oatmeal, Tracey called to tell me everything.
Long story short, she was the first to arrive, so she had a cocktail at the bar. Mindful of her date’s drinking habits, she asked the bartender to close her tab before he got there. He drank Pepsi throughout the evening, while she sipped on water. He went for the seafood, and she, a spicy beef meal.
Her date—who Tracey described as “clean-cut”—turned out to be a classic gentleman, picking up the tab and opening doors.
During the appetizer, he got up to stand when I went to the restroom,” she said, reveling in the memory of the gesture. “When I got back, he got off his seat again. It’s the first time that’s ever happened to me.”
I’d like to see him again, but I haven’t heard from him since. He gave me a hug and said we should get a drink sometime, but you can’t really judge someone on the first date.”
As it turns out, you can.
I think the next day I threw out a text saying, ‘It was nice meeting you, let’s get together soon.’ And that was that. I haven’t heard from him since…I’m not saying he’s a bad person, but, I mean, this guy was still into playing beer pong and video games.”
If she thought Mario Man was bad, a separate date directly following Tracey’s interview date proved to be her creepiest Tinder experience.
It was so bad I pretended to be sick in the bathroom,” she whispered, barely audible through our phone’s speaker. “Then in the middle of the parking lot, he pulled out his penis and wanted me to get on my knees. I think he was drunk and high.”
Tracey, who lives with her parents as a caregiver and has a rough time finding guys who aren’t just looking for some ass, didn’t deserve what her date pulled. A word to the wise for all you penis-owners out there—don’t be too liberal with where and why you whip it out. To echo Tracey’s earlier sentiments, “act decent.”